Mort, a real ugly man, walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face.
"What are you so happy about?" asks the barman.
"Well, I'll tell you," replies Mort. "You know, I live by the railway? Well, on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, just like in the movies. I, of course, went and cut her free, and took her back to my place.
"Anyway, to cut a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything... me on top, sometimes her on top!"
"Fantastic!" exclaimed the barman. "You lucky sonofabitch. Was she pretty?"
"Dunno... I never found the head!"
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